Any comments on kindof dark poem? its a rough draft..suggestions would be great and much appriecated?

Girl in Hiding



moving statue

an almost beautifully choreographed dance

stumbling around and around

she wobbles in her five inch stilettos



her knees collide with hard granite

and laying in pain, undeserving



pretty dress artfully arranged

on the cold marble floor



she preens into a tiny mirror

still beautiful



girls find your place





father looms, his nearness causes subtle hairs

to stand

save face

kiss his lips and dance\beautiful girls





blanket your pain with sweet smelling flowers

empty eyes, window for an empty head



mirrors show these child like reflections

childhood obsessions

grown out of filth, smothered with rot

she blooms into a beautiful shell

with nothing inside her

Any comments on kindof dark poem? its a rough draft..suggestions would be great and much appriecated?
This is a good poem-in my opinion. I don't want to recommend u change too much about it-as it's your art, not my own. However, I think that the message might be better received with more creative word choices.

"Wobbles" and "rot" are words that I personally would deter from using simply because they don't seem to add to the flow of the rest of the poem, to me. wobbles is a little bit on the edge of slang, to me-and rot ...hard to pin it-but I would have used "decay"



These are my own personal critiques-but I do really like this poem, and don't change anything you like, it's your art : )